Conversations with Grey

No shit.

“No shit.”

The day I posted the post about Ms. whats-the-name-i-gave-her below, she did the most amazing things that gave me the conclusion of her problems. Besides having an incredibly slow reflex and respond (she only perk up and looks at me 3 seconds after I call her name, everytime, no joke), she suffers from mental crash under pressure.

Please, join me to review this case of diagnosis, with me citing two instances.

One
While I was driving to the bank yesterday, to do what I do everyday, I got a call on my mobile. Stuck in the middle of a junction/round-a-bout traffic, trying to plug in my handsfree kit and singing along to Linkin Park’s ‘Shadow of the Day’, I noticed that the caller ID flashed the call was from my office. So thinking it would either be one of the office clerks – there are four of them, including Ms. Dimwitt – I quickly turned down the radio volume and depressed the soft button on the handsfree.

“Hello? Is this Ah Keong?”
“Yes, Ms. Dimwitt. What’s up?”
“Oh, good. … … Hello - Good Afternoon. My name is Ms. Dimwitt, and I calling from E*** M*** Sdn Bhd”

=,=””

“Ms. Dimwitt, I know who you are. What do you want?”
“………….uh, I, uh…. Oh, the bank called and told me there was a return cheque. Have you left the bank already?”
“No, I’m on my way there.”*click*

I saw no point of continuing the conversation.

Two
I was busy minding my own business when suddenly,

“Hello! Hello!!!”

I looked up and saw her on the phone, with one of her hand flailing desperately for help, at me.

“Hello!!!! Hello!!!!!!! This person on the phone wants to know if our company have a website address!!!”

=,=”””””””’

Clearly, under a certain amount (very small!) of external pressure that causes a certain amout (very miniscule!) of stress, Ms. Dimwitt’s mind snapped. Her brain function protocol will go haywire. She won’t be able to tell friend from foe. She can’t remember things, like the name of her colleague, the person whom she’d work the closest to for the past 6 (six) months. I suppose that’s why she spoke mandarin to an indian lorry driver asking for directions in bahasa.

This morning, my twin brother came to help me out in the office. Yes, if I’ve somehow failed to mention that I’m one half of a pair of twin, I am. So while we were doing some chores and Ms. Dimwitt walked passed us a couple of times. She knew from before that we were a pair of twins. And somehow she managed to know that my twin just returned from Australia. And suddenly compelled to address the both of us, she said in english (because previously her convos were in mandarin),

“Oh - you are twins hor. Very look alike. Hur hur hur…”

My twin brother replied the topic of this post. ‘No shit.’

So not only she stated the obvious, she stated it wrongly because although identical, my twin and I hardly look alike anymore because of the geographical difference. And you musn’t say things like that. It’ll be like saying, ‘Wow, you’re a girl! You must have breasts and vagina!’ when the statement may not be true in some cases. A man can have breasts or vaginas.

*edit: I did some adjustment on the presentation of the conversations. The boxed up thing and margins and paddings and shit were getting on my nerves. I’m perfectionistically anal that way.