Conversations with Grey

Everything is under control.

“You need a break, that’s what you need.”
“But my scheduled break is only in July.”
“Then go for an unscheduled one.”

I’m worn out. I don’t know why or how it happened, but I am. Waking up everyday has been a chore, far different from the blink-open-get out of bed routine a few months earlier. Everyday work seemed to be starting out wrong. And I feel that its because I thought of them often pessimistically.

I no longer have a smooth day at work. Everything just builds up and the pressure increases everyday. More things to do, more jobs need re-doing. Items I bought are not suitable, so I have to make a trip to return it. Things I order arrives mismatched. Invoices are not signed. My daily outdoor errands are twice as long. I have to run around more just because someone forgot something. I got a flat tire from a sixty milimetre long nail. I spent three hours in the car service waiting room.

Coffee does not help anymore. I’m having rashes all over my body. I show no affection to the puppies. Sometimes I feel like I want them to starve for what they did to Anne. I spend more and more money that I consciously know I can’t claim from the company. I’m eating fast food four days a week. I’m drinking beer at home, which I absolutely hate (beer, not drinking at home).

Quotations I asked for is only replied in two days time. I misplaced some important spare parts. I forget things easily. I gained two kilogrammes. I desperately want a cigarette. I’m missing dinner plans with friends. I’m loosing touch with them.

I’m spending too much sleepless nights working on a freelance job that is going nowhere in terms of direction. I’m procrastinating which is bad impression for the client. I’m slowly getting agitated and fed up with the client but I know I’m at fault. I’m missing appointments.

I need to consult some higher entity to find out why things aren’t going smoothly. Or a hint of it.

I need to take a short break, just a few days away and not tell anyone where I’m going.

In the meantime, I’ll put on a smiley face and tell everybody the truth.

.
.
.

Everything is under control.